41. Inscrutable Fate

Adriana Tanese Nogueira

   

    It was Sunday morning. The family was at the beach, mingling with the crowd who sunbathed, ate, got into the water, and had fun under a clear weekend sky. But Antonio and Maria couldn’t join the relaxed atmosphere of those people. As they played and talked with the children, their attention was fixed on their surroundings. When addressing the kids, the couple looked happy and confident, but now and then they lifted their eyes and surveyed the immediate environment. Everything seemed quiet, nobody paid attention to them, a few children came closer to share a toy or help digging the hole in the sand. The general carefree way, however, was for Antonio and Maria merely a mirage they couldn’t partake.

    It was hot and the sun high in the sky announced noon. Their stomachs grunted, “It’s time to have lunch,” said Antonio, standing up.

    Maria agreed, raised herself from the ground and called the children, “Let’s take this sand off our bodies. How about we take a quick dip in the water?”

    They all went to the water, still fresh but not as transparent as it was a few hours earlier. Diving into it gave a feeling of relief and pleasure. Light and soft on the skin, it cleansed everything but the tension that plastered their lives.

    “Come on, darlings, let’s go,” Maria hurried the children up, “it’s time to go.”

    They dried up the best they could. Despite the sand here and there on the skin, they dressed up. With the feet full of sand, wearing their sandals and with semi-wet clothes, the family gave their backs to the crowed beach and walked towards the street.

    “There’s not much to eat at home,” Maria said, walking at Antonio’s side and holding one child in each hand.

    “I know. Let’s go to the restaurant. There’s one close by that is not expensive. I hope we find a table.”

    They caught sight of it from the distance and saw that some tables on the sidewalk were still vacant. They quickened their steps to be sure to get one. Soon, a waiter came. As usual, they ordered only three dishes. Antonio avoided as much as possible any extra expense once he was using money coming from the VPR. Although the small fund was destined to the family survival, Antonio took care not to waist money. Three dishes was what a family of five people ate.

    “This situation is dragging for too long,” said Antonio while he divided the food.

    “It’s one month already that we are here,” Maria said, distributing the dishes among the children.

    “It’s not safe to stay for so long in the same place.” Antonio shook his head. “We have to get out of here.”

    Maria stopped and looked at him, speechless. She tensed the muscles of her face. As her gestures condensed control and calm, her heart was agitated. Maria rooted herself in the care and precision that she dedicated to her daily duties and to the children, exorcizing, in this way, the other aspect of her reality. They didn’t have a residency to which come back, her home resumed in two rolled sacks where they carried the few belongings of the entire family. The day of tomorrow was inscrutable and the life ran in constant peril. Now, Antonio’s words incite the terrifying sensation of being captive, in a refuge that can be discovered by the enemy at any time. “We have to get out of here” presupposed that they hadn’t be able to move on, they were stuck like preys fallen into one of those traps that are holes in the ground. They looked to be safe until someone found them.

...

42.The Jungle

Adriana Tanese Nogueira

A dark green wall of trees and bushes was in front of us. Standing up and holding myself on to the two front seats, I realized the wild woods and its intricate web of leaves and branches, of many shapes and directions. In the twilight, it looked mysterious. I stared at it. I had no words to tell what I sensed, but the knowledge that it was our destination united with an inner drive toward it. I felt summoned.

    We were parked in a dirt plaza that bordered the beginning of the jungle. The road continued ahead dividing the emerald barrier in two halves. No human sign was visible. The more I observed it, the more the wilderness seemed to be extraordinarily interesting. I couldn’t wait to merge into it, move further away with my family and disappear from people’s sight. As my eyes focused on the forest, my ears followed each word of the conversation my family was having.

    “I’ll go to buy some groceries,” Father said, opening the vehicle’s door.

    “Is it safe to stop here?” Sitting on the right front seat, Mother glanced right and left.

    We couldn’t see villages or even isolated houses nearby. A few people walked randomly following their own affairs.

    “Don’t worry, Maria. We’ll stay with you,” Uncle Osni replied, touching her shoulder with his hand.

    “Toninho, don’t take too long,” she said, looking at him.

    Father nodded and I watched as he turned his back to us and walked away towards a line of small unpretentious shops at the bottom of the plaza. It was getting dark. His figure disappeared. 

....

40. Ladies and Gentlemen, the DOPS - Part III

Adriana Tanese Nogueira

    Considering that she had survived a long interrogation at the DOPS, Rachel felt relieved. She could go back to live in her house, in Alameda Lorena, without having to escape from anyone. And, by the way, there were no more policemen watching her residence.

    Have they given up? Rachel wondered, drawing aside one more time the window’s curtain to check. The sidewalk was empty. A few automobiles drove on the street. She went back to the table.

    “Hurray! Nobody’s outside!” She rejoiced as she sat down.

    “Finally!” Replied Dona Lourdes, sipping coffee with milk. “And what about Toninho? When is he going to show up? Do you know anything about him, my daughter?”

    “No, Mom. I have no clue of where he might be. The organization should take care of him. He’ll send news, don’t worry. Toninho is not a fool.”

    “I hope he’s fine, I’m very concerned.” Dona Lourdes sighed. “And Osni, where is he?”

    “I also don’t know, Mom. But his only threat is to get punched in the face for dating someone’s girlfriend.”

    Dona Lourdes giggled, “All the tissues hardened by sperm I cleaned up coming back home! He’s such a playboy! A handsome playboy, I must say…”

    “But he’ll show up soon,” cut Rachel, more practically, “he’ll be hungry. Mom, changing subject, next week is Carnival. The DOPS said that we had to be available here in São Paulo, however the only worthy Carnival is at the Araçatuba Club, and with my friends.”

    “You are right, I also want to go to Araçatuba.”

    “And I guess Osni will want the same,” said Rachel, pensive. “Do you know what?” She added after a moment, “I’ll go back to the DOPS and ask them permission to leave town during Carnival.”

    “Well thought, my daughter.” Smiled Dona Lourdes, “Go there. They shouldn’t create objections. They’ll know where you go and when you return.”

    “Right. It won’t be hard to get the authorization.”

In fact, without questioning, the DOPS gave permission to Rachel and Osni to leave São Paulo on the Saturday of Carnaval to return on Ash Wednesday. Satisfied with the sensibleness demonstrated by the policemen, the family loaded their new minivan with luggage, dog and the maid and drove six hours to reach Araçatuba, the town that contained in itself their best memories.

    The four nights of partying exhausted the two siblings.

    “I can’t wait to stretch myself on my bed and stay there until tomorrow,” said Osni, on the stirring wheel, yawning.

    Everybody was eager to reach home and have a good long night sleeping. When the two-story town house in Alameda Lorena was at sight, they straighten up, ready to be home and get to their beds.

    Dona Lourdes inserted the key in the keyhole.

    “Oh, my God!” She exclaimed, watching the door opening by itself. 

....

39. Ladies and Gentlemen, the DOPS - Part II

Adriana Tanese Nogueira

The previous day, her mother had gave her the address of her lawyer, assuring her he should be  in his office in the mornings. Rachel preferred not to call, for the telephone stopped being a safe tool of communication once her brother had fallen into the DOPS persecution. Dona Lourdes agreed and they both relied on Mr. Jaime Leonel’s consistent routine. Thus, as the first thing in the morning, Rachel left her house climbing up the back window as the front door was under the DOPS agents undesired vigilance.

    As expected, Mr. Leonel promptly saw Rachel. As she entered the room, she spotted him among his papers and journals, while taking his glasses off and greeting her, cordially. Relieved to be there, Rachel sat on one of the chairs in front of him and earnestly told him her story. She started off introducing something about her political position, to check the lawyer’s reaction. But he nodded, actively listening to her. Encouraged, she continued, getting deeper into her story. Finally, she arrived to the alarming part: being stalked by the DOPS. After having recounted the event of the previous day, she stopped and anxiously waiting for his reply.

    Mr. Leonal remained silent. He turned to the open window and stayed in that position for a while, as if deep in his thoughts. Then, turning back to Rachel, he said, “You have to give yourself in to the DOPS.”

    Rachel froze.

    “Be calm, Rachel,” he continued in a soft voice. “Let’s think together. You, yourself, didn’t do anything, right? So, what would a honest citizen do in your situation? Understand?”

    She nodded.

    “You, therefore, present yourself in their office, and tell them that you have learned that they are looking for you.” He studied Rachel’s face and not seeing any reaction, he continued, “If you keep hiding you’ll incite their ferociousness. Breathe deeply and go there. You are not involved in your brother’s political activities, are you?”

....

38. Ladies and Gentlemen, the DOPS - Part I

Adriana Tanese Nogueira

“Shit,” Rachel whispered peeking out of the window, “There are two idiots outside.”

    The men in dark suits, wearing sun glasses and hats, pretending to be casually standing on the sidewalk, actually surveyed the surroundings each in a different direction. She knew who they were. Their false air of nonchalance could not deceive a person with a normal amount of neurons in their brain, although, she guessed, they believed to be invisible. The two individuals dressed in that ridiculous way in full summer, doing nothing on a weekly morning, and glancing now and then at her house could only be DOPS agents expecting to catch, any time, Antonio, or one of his siblings.

    “Damn them,” uttered Rachel in controlled anger.

    She slowly let go of the curtain and looked longingly at her bed. The pile of dirty clothes in need of being replaced by clean ones laid sadly on one side. She unwrapped the towel and quickly dressed. Feeling exhausted, she tossed herself on the free side of her bed, wishing to take a nap. But fixated the ceiling instead. A deep annoyed breath escaped out from her mouth. The awareness about the situation outside could not be postponed even under sleepy eyes. What to do? 

    It had been one week since Antonio had alerted them to hide. She had slept each night in a different friend’s home. São Paulo was such a huge city that allowed a person to disappear in it like a needle in a haystack. Osni was somewhere she didn’t know. He had enough girlfriends to never be short of places to spend the night. No worries about him. Her friends welcomed her without questioning, being that also an opportunity to be together. However, it’s never like home. Mainly, one’s own bathroom was a luxury no friend’s house could ever offer. Rachel needed a long refreshing bath and, thus, returned home on her tip toes at the first light of day.

    Now, with the two baboons in black outside she could not take the front door again and snorted. Fine, she thought conceding to the only solution, I’ll have to jump out from the back window.

    But for how long would she be escaping?

...

37. I Don't Want to Lose You

Adriana Tanese Nogueira

Even in the middle of a Sunday morning, down town São Paulo was busy. Antonio drove watchfully. It was the first time he was moving overtly through the city after he had become a wanted man. He felt nervous but tried not to look other than an individual going to visit his family. He recalled his picture in the police poster. He looked chubby there, different from how his appearance actually was. He trusted people wouldn’t recognize him. Besides, what would a supposedly terrorist do in an elegant street of the city? Only someone crazy. Or daring enough to trust his luck. Or his guts. That was his case. He knew in an irrational way that he could take that risk. His inner voice instigated him to be audacious. Either right or wrong, his siblings needed to be warned, for their own sake. Antonio didn’t want anything bad happening to them.

    Rachel’s town house was located in Alameda Lorena, a residential street situated close to fancy boutiques and jewelry shops. Antonio spotted the building on the left. Everything looked quiet, passersby seemed to be innocuous, no suspicious cars were stopped nearby. His confidence grew stronger. Now, it was a matter of being quick about what he had to do.

    He parked a few blocks ahead and searched for a phone booth.     “Hello?” a soft woman’s voice answered.

    “Good morning, Dona Marta. It’s Antonio, I need a favor.”

    “Hi, Antonio. It’s okay, what is it?”

    “I can’t reach my sister. There must be some problem with their phone. Could you call her, please?”

    “Sure, don’t worry.”

    Dona Marta went to knock at her neighbor’s door.

    “Coming!” A female voice answered.

    Rachel opened the door. With the back of her hand, she cleaned the bread crumble on the corners of her mouth, “I was having breakfast,” she explained, smiling cheerfully.

    “Rachel, your brother’s on the phone.”

    She followed Dona Marta inside her hall and grabbed the phone, “Hey, Toninho, what’s up? Why didn’t you call home?”

    “We’ve got a problem. Come down with Osni. I need to talk to both of you. I’m in the car, parked two blocks ahead.”

    “What?” She asked, puzzled.

    “I can’t explain now. Just come.”

    Sitting in the car, Antonio waited. Although his senses were alert, he, intentionally, exhibited tranquility. He glanced at the rear view mirror, checking his appearance, and was pleased to see that he matched with the neighborhood. In a suit and with polished shoes, Antonio kept himself in the relaxed posture he used to have when feeling comfortable. The difference was that, this time, he wore a moustache and carried a revolver against his chest. 

...

36. Cool Blood

Adriana Tanese Nogueira

One day, the cool blood finally dawned back into his life. After days shut in an apartment with half-closed blinds, Antonio felt an inside switch, like the turning on of a lamp, and started reflecting.

    First of all, he thought, he was fighting for a good cause, a cause for which was worthy risking his life. Secondly, he had a gun and an excellent aim, thus he could rely on his self-defense ability. Thirdly, the police were brutal, but not well-organized. And, last but not least, a bullet in their chest would hit them as much as in his. They were even. How a logic train of thoughts was comforting to his mind. No more hiding and quivering.The fearful ones were usually the first to die.

    Antonio breathed deeply, silently nodding to himself while rehearsing his own reasoning. If that was his reality, it needed to be confronted without vacillation, being ready for whatever could happen. However, he had a weak point. What if he were caught by surprise? The unexpected element was his Achilles’ heel. Therefore, he should be constantly alert, for such a sudden shock would unleash panic, and with it paralysis of action and confusion of mind. Cool blood and cleverness had to be preserved. Without them, not even a powerful gun would be of any real use.

    He observed Maria. She was cooking. She lifted her eyes to check on the children. Antonio watched her calmness. He would have never imagine that a woman coming from a conservative family like hers, and with no experience on her own would have reacted in such an apparently composed way. Beyond her image of a housewife, he saw her under a new light.

...

The Day That Lasted 21 Years, Part I

The Day That Lasted 21 Years, Part II

The Day That Lasted 21 Years, Part III

35. What Now?

Adriana Tanese Nogueira

Antonio woke up and realized he was frightened. Things wouldn’t go back to normal. As a matter of fact, normality was a concept that had suddenly disappeared from his life, from their life.

    He felt trapped. Maria lay on his side, still sleeping. He looked around, the apartment’s walls seemed to crush on him. Invisible cords hindered his motion. If there was something he deeply dreaded it was the feeling of being unable to freely move.

    He got up from the narrow bed. The windows blinders filtered the sunlight, bright and joyful as it was in full summer. He wanted to open the windows and made the fresh morning air come it. But could he? Would anybody see him, break into his home any time, day or night? And drag him to the famous police torture chambers? He shivered.

    The outside world he had been so comfortable walking through posed now an authentic threaten. The streets were not a safe place anymore. For the first time, a tangible sense of fear spread inside his body and around him. He could breath it, smell it, and taste it. Dominant, powerful anxiety that disintegrates ideas, confidence and hope.

    Antonio shook himself from this state of mind and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. He didn’t want to let himself go that way. From the counter he glanced at his children, the three of them sleeping peacefully on the sofa. What should he do about them? His heart trembled in suspense, but he quickly returned to his rationality. No panicking.

....